It’s hard to really know how PMDD affects your life unless you’ve been there, done that. But I want to try and explain it using my own personal experiences as an example for anyone out there wondering what PMDD is like. Or maybe you have PMDD and you just want someone to relate to.
I am a successful, hard working, independent, honest, caring, charitable person. For three weeks a month. I was fine yesterday, everything was hunky dory. I stopped using all my PMDD treatments about a month ago to see if they were really helping (mistake #1).
Last night, I couldn’t sleep. And then I got really anxious. Started having hot flashes. Then I started obsessing over everything, making myself upset. Thinking my husband doesn’t love me, I’m not a good person, I’m a bad mom, on and on. Uh-oh, its one of those days. And there is nothing I can do about it, it’s going to suck. It’s like having instantaneous manic bipolar episodes.
I take a breath and tell myself its ok, I’m starting my period in a couple of days and I just need a smoke. (mistake #2, but you try quitting smoking when you’re PMSing). I call my husband (mistake #3), somehow start a fight, which he says I did completely on purpose (as if) when all I was really trying to do was express my stupid feelings to him and get him to understand me. Great, now I have a worse messed up relationship than I thought because he thinks I act this way on purpose.
It’s hormones, ok? It’s hormones. Try harder? Ok, sure. You try controlling your hiccups.
So I am going to try and do this right (again) because I’m in a place where I have to make a change or my life is going to get worse and worse and worse. One week a month spills into everything in your life. My neighbor just came to the door (and I’m pretty sure she saw me through the window sitting here typing this) and I ignored it because I can’t do human interactions right now. So I’m sure she thinks I’m a jerk now. Oh well.
This is PMDD. This is my life one week a month. And it wrecks the other three.
So I’m going to be a good girl and try to quit smoking after my period is over, maybe use those nicotine vapor things. I’m going to take my supplements. I’ll keep you posted. Let’s just hope my PMDD doesn’t make me do anything I’ll regret today.