When I wake up in the morning, shaky, irritable, angry for no reason, I know it’s going to be one of those days. I take deep breaths, knowing what I know now, that I have PMDD, and that all it takes is one snap to have a very bad couple of days.
Every noise, every irritant, everything anyone says to me seems like the biggest, hardest, most difficult, horrible thing I have to deal with. It’s all I can do to not break down in tears before I make it to the kitchen.
My kids are screaming, fighting, ranting, laughing, running around and banging things wanting breakfast. I just have to get to my pantry and take my calming supplements before I snap at anyone.
My husband doesn’t know how I’m feeling, that I’m completely on edge and that my day is already unmanageable at 6:15am when he walks into the kitchen, already on his earpiece having a loud conversation with a business partner. I’m trying to quiet the kids down, get breakfast made and take care of myself while keeping them from blowing his business deal. The weight of the world is on my shoulders and I just can’t take it.
If one more kid hits one other kid I’m going to lose it. I’m already shaking inside and now my hands are shaking. I’m trying to breathe through it, tell myself it doesn’t matter, nothing matters, just breakfast. Suddenly, it’s not my voice coming out of my mouth, “STOP IT!! ALL OF YOU JUST STOP IT!!!!” and I burst into tears.
They think I’m nuts. My husband thinks I’m nuts. Even my doctor thinks I’m nuts. But it’s 4 days before my period starts and I am a different person today than I was yesterday. And that’s life with PMDD.